Flying the nest

Im sure many parents will relate and sympathise with my recent parenting trauma, my son has left home.!!!!!! He is working and living on his Auntie's farm in Wales,he hasnt entirely left home, he only goes for short bursts... As in away a month and back for a week (ish) I guess in some ways his flying of the nest has been staged slightly and I should be grateful it wasnt all dramatic and "Mum, Im leaving home to go travellng" or "Im moving in with my pregnant girlfriend".. Or worse still "Im joining the Army". However all that aside, this is one of the worst periods of adjustment Iv ever endured. Iv lost my mum, my sister,friends and other relatives, Iv been divorced, Iv lost a baby,none of which compares to this ... the biggest gut wrenching, heartbreaking moment of a mothers life. I do count my blessings for all of the above and that despite the years of hard work, getting Josh to 16 and out of the school system, reasonably unscathed. I do seem to have turned out a very smart, intelligent, handsome young man, one of which I am extremley proud to call my son. Its a huge deal when your child leaves home for so many reasons. I had a huge sigh of relief once he reached 16, we no longer endured the endless screaming fits of a morning... "get up & get to school". But it made me reflect on when he was born, how young I was and how many hopes & dreams I had for him. No one could have predicted what those next 16 years were going to bring for him, he lost his Father "Billy" when Josh was very small, he cant remember Billy sadly, but he is a chip of his block for sure, he is certainly a mixture of the two of us. Its so sad that Billy cant see how our son has turned out today, I know he would be immensley proud of him. Now he is 16, I feel old & very surplus to requirments. My little boy doesnt need me anymore, he is independant and mature and can fight his own battles, follow his own dreams, make his own mistakes. It crept up on me, how i would feel, how I am feeling, I didnt expect it or want it... I still havnt quite accepted it yet... One thing I know, is my children are my best and most precious achievment I wouldnt have lived my life any other way, or done anything differently.

Closure of the book

Today has been a day of reflection, it was the day I met Boo, I can remember it like it was yesterday and remember the evening we shared on our first date and how happy I felt.. I couldnt wait to tell the world (in fact I didnt it was on FB) If we all had a magic ball and could see in to the future, would we take the chances we do? would we take more or less? I knew that this was going to be a challenging relationship, but I was more than prepared to give it my best shot because I already loved him, i loved him before I met him and loved him the minute i set eyes on him and never stopped... He has put us through hell and back, some of it I understand and a lot I dont, sadly I ended our relationship for the last time because I finally just realised that none of the why's and wherefore's mattered any more , none of the hurt, lies and dramatics mattered because I realised that he just wasnt what I wanted for the rest of my life, I wanted more than he had to offer, it was as simple as that. I want to be someone's world, someone's every thought, just like they are to me, is that too much to ask or expect? Despite it all, I will always have a special place in my heart for my Boo, we shared a lot of good times and I will always cherish those.