Day 7 of the 30 day challenge

Given we are talking most treasured "item" its a difficult one really as Im sure i could live without all of them if i needed to. The one thing i use the most and would feel a loss towards (im sure for only a short period) is my laptop/phone only because I live on facebook, its a fabulous invention and allows me to keep in regular touch with all of my friends, old & new, i have a few friends abroad and without it we wouldnt speak as often as we do. It brings all of my friends into my living room and makes them feel that bit closer to me. I have found friends that i had lost touch with over the years so to me, it would be a bit of a wrench to not have it there.

Day 6 of the 30 day challenge

I would happily trade places with my friend Nicola, who sadly lost her husband to be on Sunday morning. As shocked & upset as I am, its not even 1percent of how she is feeling and if i could give her a day off from all the pain & upset, I would....

Day 5 of the 30 Day Challenge

My favourite memory(s) is the birth(s) of my children. A day when a new life was brought into this world. The unconditional love i feel for my children is more than i could ever feel for anyone else. I love my children so much. The days they were born are a cherished memory of my new life as a mother. I am extremely lucky and blessed to have two beautiful boys , happy & healthy (cant say well behaved)

My poem for Nicola

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me….

When Tomorrow starts without me;
And I’m not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes;
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry;
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things
We didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me,
And as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you’ll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that Id have to leave behind,
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
I didn’t want to die,
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad
I thought of all the love we shared
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday
Just even for a while
Id say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile
But then I fully realized
That this could never be
For emptiness and memories
Would take the place of me

And when I thought of worldly things
I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow
But when I walked through heaven’s gates
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
From his great golden throne
He said “This is eternity and all iv promised you”

Today for life on earth is past
But here it starts anew
I promise no tomorrow
But today will always last
And since each days the same
There ‘s no longing for the past

You have been so faithful, so trusting
And so true
So wont you take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me
Don’t think we’re far apart
For every time you think of me
I’m right here in your heart.

A day in the life...

My day was destined to be a bad one today, when waking up to discover I had no coffee left... disastrous..
After having a week of full on work, which is something i try at all costs to avoid. This week I have the additional stress of having building work in my house and very impulsively decided to start replacing my en suite bathroom (this was a walk in wardrobe) which ended up with half of the garden dug up and needed landscaping and now my kitchen has been ripped out , needing a new one. (note to one self leave things to the professionals and stop destroying your house) Today was a much needed day off to catch up with food shopping (i have had to eat out each night because im too tired to shop or cook) , bit of cleaning (my house represents the local tip at the moment) & I was on the hunt for a new dinner service, cutlery & glasses for my dining room. So my sister & I decided to go to Hanley (stoke on trent) to have a look in Debenhams. This is a place my sister loves & I hate, (stoke that is not debenhams) No matter how many times I have driven there i get lost either on the way or way back or both & end up home 3 hours later.. today was no exception, when arriving at my sister's house we piled in my delightful niece & nephew (delightful is stretching it a bit today)two buggies, nappy bags, toys & then me & my sis squeezed in the car (good job she has invested in a 7 seater )She then tells me she has been up all night and Im driving her car, oh well thats great, I hate driving her car when I have had a least 3 injections of caffeine (today I have had ZERO) i hadnt got my lenses in and so couldnt see... and i was pretty tired myself, so off we go and sure enough i miss the junction (i was talking) and around the houses we go til we get back on track, i have to say my sister used her common sense for once and found our way there, which makes me laugh she cant get out of her rad without a sat nav normally. We parked in some multi story car park and finally came to a stop after me stopping at all the green lights and going through all the red, a few near misses, my niece finally screeched "Mummy im quite scared" Mummy answered "yes i think i am too" Our fun didnt end there, we did our shopping although suddenly realised how are we going to negotiate a dinner service/glasses & two buggies? answer we cant so that defeated whole object of going, we got a few bits and headed for the nearest lift as i was already loosing the will to live and i still hadnt been given any caffeine. Of course you wouldn't expect the lift to be simple, would you ? no , some tart had set off the alarm & so the doors kept opening & shutting, fearing for our lives and not particularly wanting to get trapped in a lift today we got out at the earliest opportunity & headed for the escalators, which I am scared to death of and so my sister had to carry herself and two buggies (one at a time) up the escalator while i stood and watched. We eventually got back to the car and headed to Mcdonalds for a coffee and by the time i got there i decided i wanted a milkshake (my sister nearly throttled me ) She drove us safely home...My next adventure of the day was alone, after sacking my handyman i was on the hunt (literally ( for a new one) i had seen a man & a van a few times at my local pub and driving about and thought next time i see him il get his number , well i saw him on my way home. Few red lights later i was slowly catching him, the chase was on, a few cars got in between us and i managed to catch up with him (bear in mind i still cant see) so needed to be up close and personal to get his number, im causing some chaos on a major roundabout in crewe by this point and managed to get it, quickly rang it whilst stil chasing him and got through to his wife, who nearly wet herself when i told her i was still giving chase behind him, she took my number as i couldn't risk kill ling myself & a few others writing his mobile down... of course by this point I am now heading back towards my sisters so a long way home, with a short stop to M&S to re stock the cupboards & my coffee supply as I dint think i want to go out for the whole weekend. I also managed to find a dinner service, matching cutlery & glasses on the Internet once i got home & 3 clicks later they are on there way to me...

Day 4 of the 30 day challenge

Mmmmm this is a hard one after much deliberation and thinking of the obvious things such as my wedding night (Actually scrub that , that nearly ended in our divorce) and the nights my children were born. I have to say that it is lots of nights , not just one that I have shared with my best friend Karen (aka THE WIFE) we have shared so many memories, good & bad. But we have laughed, cried & cried laughing we still talk about our most memorable nights several years later. We have done some crazy & mental things in the 18 years of our friendship and I wouldn't have changed any one of them. I hope the next 18 years are just as fun and look forward to making some new memories.

Day 3 of 30 Day Challenge

I have to admit to not giving this a lot of thought, but sadly I am a bit of a TV reality show addict and its a tough one to decide which one is my favourite. I think BB, I am so upset its not on this year and summer wont be the same without it. My teenage son is an addict too, we watch it morning noon & night, sometimes all night and yes I have been known to sit watching them sleep.... what can i say

Day 2 of the 30 Day Challenge

Without question I am closest to my sister. There is only 22 months between us and we are extremely close, I speak to her nearly every day. Over the years we have both endured a turbulent childhood, we both remember different things from that and I suspect scarred in different ways. Our mother was an alcoholic which took her life in Oct 1998 (she was taken ill the day after my wedding) We sat by her bedside after switching off her life support and watched her die, it was pretty heavy duty, but I did then and still do now take comfort that she lived her life how she wanted it to be, she was happy (apart from the couple of times she tried to take her life) she was joining my baby sister (who had died) and for me personally and Im sure my sister there was a sense of relief that this chapter of our lives was over (as much as we both miss her very much) My sister has been there for me through all of my up's and down's listened to me scream, cry, moan. We are very different in character, apart from looking alike (although now i have red hair we dont get as many comments about that ) we are nothing alike in any way at all. However she has never failed me, she is my best friend & my rock and without her in my life my life, it would be a very different place. Sis I love you soooooo much

Jamies Dream School

Did any of you watch this last week?
Its on again this evening on channel 4. I found it very interesting to watch.. My 14 year old HATES school and I have gone through a very stressful 18 months with him. He got in with the "IT crowd" and consistently played up to what he thought was expected of him by his "mates" which only ended up in him being the one that got into trouble. They seemed to know when to draw the line, my son doesn't or doesn't care. He went through every report that they have including the PSP report which is the final straw. It then ended in a meeting of teachers, head of year, head of school, governors, mentors, connexions people V me, this was one of the worst meetings of my life if not THE worst. I felt a complete failure as a parent that i was in this room because of my son & his behaviour. I felt guilty for lots of reasons.
1. He has my genes
2. He has his fathers genes and he his repeating everything his father did
3. I chose his father & his genes
4. I chose to be a solo parent (well i had no choice really)
5. I chose his school, where we lived.

Could i have done anything to have changed this?

I don't know the answer to that , although i suspect it is no. My son is old enough although clearly not mature enough to make his own choices.

I decided if i didn't make a move and take my son out of that school he soon wouldn't be given a choice so I opted for home educating at the cost of £5,000 This lasted a term as he opted for lazy mornings in bed and clearly was not as self disciplined as me.
I then decided to move house & schools. This also then affected my youngest son as it meant a school change for him also, but better to do it now whilst still at primary school I decided & I was never overly enamoured with the school he was in anyway.
Luckily I still own another house (my marital house) and so tenant was asked to leave and in we moved & they are both now settled at their new schools.

I love my son more than anything in the world and want (like most parents) the best for him, whatever that may be. I messed up my education at the end of my school life because i met a boy, fell in love and he rode a motorbike so that was so much cooler than studying and revising. I don't have any regrets over that as having the grades I have has made no difference to the jobs i have had or me having my own business.

Im just a parent that wants my kids to have everything they deserve and an education is the one and only thing that I can help them with, after that they then make their own choices rightly or wrongly and Im here to guide them and help pick up the pieces.

Watching Jamie Oliver last week, was another example that Im not on my own in this and it doesn't matter what the background of the kids is.. if they are going to go off the rails they will. I can only continue doing my best to help/guide & support him.

Its a daily battle with most teenagers and you feel it more when your "Flying SOLO" like me. My boys don't see their respective fathers. My eldest son's biological dad was killed tragically in a motorbike accident when he was very young, my husband adopted him as his own just after we married in 1998 and he has been the only father he has known. Which is evidence of how strong the gene pool is as he cant remember his father and yet he acts just like him and I intend to do everything in my power to make sure he does not end up the same way.

Day 1 of 30 Day Challenge

1. I always wanted to be a solicitor...met a boy, fell in love and went slightly off track
2. I have been engaged 5 times, married once
3. I have three sisters (one sadly died and one I have never met)
4. My mother was an alcoholic (was being the operative word)
5. I had a traumatic childhood and was very glad to become an adult
6. I left home at 16 and rented a bedsit in crewe (happiest time of my life)
7. I became self employed when I was 30 (best thing i ever did)
8. I have slept with a lot of men (and enjoyed them all)
9. I have never had a very good relationship with my Father & that continues today as we dont speak.
10. I intend to start the serach to find my older sister Clare.

30 Day Challenge

A friend sent me this challenge to complete each day for the next 30 days. It’s a pictorial challenge along with a little bit of explanation, should be fun.

A picture of yourself with 10 facts
A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
A picture of the cast from your favorite show
A picture of your favorite night
A picture of your favorite memory
A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day
A picture of your most treasured item
A picture that makes you laugh
A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
A picture of something you hate
A picture of something you love
A picture of your favorite band or artist
A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
A picture of something you want to do before you die
A picture of someone who inspires you
A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
A picture of your biggest insecurity
A picture and a letter
A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel
A picture of something you wish you could forget
A picture of something you wish you were better at
A picture of your favorite book
A picture of something you wish you could change
A picture of your favorite day
A picture of something that means a lot to you
A picture of yourself and a family member
A picture of something you’re afraid of
A picture that can always make you smile
A picture of someone you miss